i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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