and you said cock pushups were impossible
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
