You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
