If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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