im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
