Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
