Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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