I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
