This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
