I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
