Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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