Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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