funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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