u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
