I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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