Please, let me fuck your mom
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
