Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just google imaged poop.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
