Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
where are my eyebrows?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
