I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
