I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think my mom watched the whole time
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
