Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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