escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
