You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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