Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
