Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
