she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
two words...techno handjob
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
