i permit you to call me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
