he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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