question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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