I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
