I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
