what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
