I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize