do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
