You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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