sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
