Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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