omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
