some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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