cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
