hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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