dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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