He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
