so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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