we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize