theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
