so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
