I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
