I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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