So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
