How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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