I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
