we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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