So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
