i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
