Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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