youre lurking in front of me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
