Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
