OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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