Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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