Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
