I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
