haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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