I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize