the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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