end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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