you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
