i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
