So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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