How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize