So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
