She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
