i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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