I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
