I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
