My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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