he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
