Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
