He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
