i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
