East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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