Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
