Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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