Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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