3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
