I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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