Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
