so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
