So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
