i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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