The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
