If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
