She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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