Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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