I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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