it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
