My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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