What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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