I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
