Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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