My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
