I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
