i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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