She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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