Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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