dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
