the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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