Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
