If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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