Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
