I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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